When I was eight years old, my schoolteacher gave the class a homework assignment of writing a poem. That night, the words flew. I assumed that this ability to create pictures out of words came from my mother who wrote poems was also a voracious reader. I figured she passed this love on to me. So after I finished my poem I remember feeling PROUD.
The next day, I stood in front of my classmates to read it and beamed during the reading. But then my joy was drowned by the harsh, angry tones of the teacher who demanded to know, “Who wrote that? I know you didn’t!” Humiliated, embarrassed, confused, and shocked into numbness, I thought “The teacher must be speaking the truth as she’s an adult. This feeling of humiliation remained with me long after the actual incident. What I remembered was being ordained by this teacher to be an “eight-year-old who was not only dumb but a liar who was incapable of writing poetry.”
That is one of the connective opening stories I share as a speaker and coach. Time after time, I hear, “that happened to me too.”
What is it that has one person see so little of the bright future in another and what could stop the cycle of disbelieving and distrust? I asked one client what it was that had them select me and he said, “you give me hope.” Another said, “encouraging me to live with passion and purpose.” I’ve been told that I love everyone I work with. I suppose that’s true. Having experienced hope, encouragement and praise early in life, the contrast caused by the teacher is something I would not want any one else to experience though time after time that story keeps being repeated.
As we begin to think about next year, let’s add giving “hope, encouragement and praise” to all of our children. It is the gift that keeps on giving. One thing I know is that when I speak to adults they too may have an inner dialog going about something that happened years and years ago. Today I thank that teacher for the harsh words, the tone of voice, the doubt, being called “out of my name.” Having experienced both I prefer to give the joy that comes from authentic encouragement and praise.
