How to handle the word “No” when it’s something you really wanted.

“Losing” a job you really wanted can take you down if you let it. (“Losing” in quotes because you can’t lose a job you never had or just weren’t right for.) Nevertheless, I’ve been there. I once really wanted to work for X company and their answer was, “No.” I went through a mini-spiral of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, the five stages of grief Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler talk about. Their work applies to people. And, I know from that personal experience and the struggles I help clients work through that these 5 stages also apply to important situations, relationships, coveted jobs – where there is a high expectancy for a favorable outcome in one’s favor or where there is an outcome that is not understood or desired. Another way of saying this is you see yourself thriving and contributing there but “they” don’t.

My advice, do whatever it takes to get through stages 1 through 4 quickly. Just accept it. You heard “No”. Be accountable for your part in what happened. Whether you think about the short term (a job interview) or long-term (you were employed there) situation before you were told “No”, what did you do or not do? What did you pretend? What cues did you miss? And here’s the big one, what did you not know then? Those are the money questions. You are not in control of other’s decisions but this process of self-awareness will get you feeling more in-powered by that outcome.

So, get a grip. Begin preparing for the next situation. Be a detective, analyze what came before the “No”. Learn what you didn’t know then but do now and go learn it. Do some googling. If you choose to stay in the valley of the doomed, you are sacrificing the precious talent you have that some other company is hungry for and that you are now uniquely prepared to provide. If I can be of service to you, let me know.