There are two questions I ask my women coaching clients and the guests of my women’s training.

This is the first one, “Do you give to yourself the way you give to others?” 9 out of 10 times, the answer is “no.” Doesn’t matter where she stands in life. Some men do this too, but I most often hear this from women.

Whether it’s you or someone you care about and maybe worry about, why is this? What can she do about it? What can we do about it?

One of the breakthrough conversations I have is based on this tried and true formula: Event—> Beliefs —> Emotions —> Behaviors (actions we do or don’t do, when your belief is fixed, it becomes a habit and unconscious to you) —> Consequences (the personal pay off) —> Impact (on others). 

So if the action is “not giving to herself the way she gives to others,” let’s reverse the formula…What’s the source of the belief? Where did it start? What events? Here’s what I have learned. They say, “I don’t give to myself because…”

• It was how I was taught to be – it’s expected. It’s what I saw my mother do.
• I don’t feel worthy.
• I was taught to go it alone… because there was no one there to help me.
• It’s a luxury. I can’t afford it.
• I would be being selfish.
• It feels good to give. (Yes, and this doesn’t answer the question. I prompt for why this doesn’t include her.)
• I’m humble. (Being humble does not mean suffering and giving up your personal power.)

To give to oneself would be a big change for the women who have this embedded belief. But imagine for a moment that they do make this change… how would they be (and perhaps you be)? More energy, better health, happier, sexier, more peaceful, and less stressed? 

Suggestions on what to do:

1. Tithe for you. 10% of what you make goes in your goody jar that you spend on you. Same for when you do something for others. Make a note about it with a promise of something that you will give to you.
2. Treat yourself like your own best friend.
3. Let someone give to you. People feel good when they give! Being a receiver is very different from being a taker.
4. Learn to ask for what you want.
5. Practice rest and renewal.
6. It doesn’t matter when or where you learned it; it’s a belief, not a fact. Challenge that belief.
7. Get an accountability partner who will assist you in giving to yourself. Find a coach.

You don’t have to go at this alone!

The beauty of empowering-based coaching is that you can achieve a new life and perspective for yourself. You are your own best friend, and once you realize and achieve that, you will be empowered to take on anything life throws your way.

If you would like to learn more about my coaching services and have a chat with me about your goals, give to yourself and take advantage of my complimentary coaching conversation.

If you have comments or feedback regarding this blog, I want to hear from you. For suggestions on how to empower women to give to themselves, connect and send thoughts and feedback here.